Picture This!

Instead of writing tonight about the fact that Johnathan, Krista, and Daniel left this afternoon (quite abruptly) to return to their other foster home, I figured I'd tell a short story about yesterday.

Katie's friend, John, from work, came over to look at the boys' bunk beds and help Katie level them. (Prior to this, I bought one of those 3 ft. deep pools that afternoon.) After discovering that the pool MIGHT have a leak, I let the kids play in it with just about 5 in. of water. (They had a blast!) Katie and John came out of the house and I gave the dogs to Katie so I could splash John for something he'd said. In one quick motion, I stepped into the pool, bent down to splash him, had my feet slide out in front of me, and I fell butt-first into the pool. THEN I laughed so hard, I was swallowing water and choking! The kids and I must've laughed SERIOUSLY for fifteen minutes (as I tried to hold my clothes on from being wet and heavy.) I said, "Katie, I think I might need assistance!" (Her and John didn't even crack a smile, for some STRANGE reason, and went into the house.) About eight minutes LATER, I called her to ask for help again and she was like, "What do you need?" I was like, "Towels, clothes, ANYTHING!" The kids and I laughed AGAIN ... and I laughed the whole night about it. Fun times. Made me think of the other times I "fell in" the water with my clothes on when I was a kid. I think I'm old enough to admit that I don't know if any (maybe one or two) of those times was purely innocent "falling". I always KNEW something MIGHT happen, you know, either to make people laugh or because my mom told me I couldn't get wet. (I do vividly remember one time, though, at George Sproule's pool, when my mom pushed me in fully clothed and surprised the heck out of me!) Anyways, fun stuff.

This morning, we made pancakes that spelled, "Happy Birthday Katie!" This afternoon we had a "Happy Birthday Kitty Kat" cake, a balloon, a gift (a stuffed cat, of course), a rose from each of the kids, and a cute little celebration of Katie's birthday (followed by tears from her saying goodbye, temper tantrums and tears from the kids about leaving, LOTS of headaches, and tears on my end, needless to say.) It's been an emotionally draining day. I just realized I haven't eaten and I'm REALLY hungry. Maybe I'll go make something for dinner and take some medicine. Or maybe I'll just have a piece of cake. Or a Mike's. LOL We'll see.

Success!

Turns out I'll have the kids until at least Monday, possibly through Wednesday (I'm keeping my fingers crossed!)

I'm feeling quite successful this morning. Katie and I took the three kids and two dogs to Buhl Park this morning. Besides a minor mishap (the dogs getting lose with their honkin' adjustable leashes and playfully attacking a group of girls, including a three-year old) the morning went really well. Daniel learned how to roller skate and doesn't want help, even though he falls on his butt quite a bit. And Dawson and Joey learned how to climb playground structures and slide down slides with ease. (That was thanks to my great idea ... I taught the kids it was OK ... LOL)

Then I got a half hour to go to Giant Eagle and pick up stuff for tomorrow's church picnic and talk to the kids' other foster mother about their return. (Thank God for small breaks because of how great Katie is!) I came home and made barbeque and honey mustard wings! They were yummy - and my first attempt at cooking them. Unfortunately, they are all gone and Katie didn't get any. I just couldn't make the kids stop eating them. :) Oh yeah, and we had fresh strawberries, too. I really enjoy sitting down with the three kids and having a meal together, no television involved!

Then, wouldn't you know ... I got two of the three to sleep! And they've been asleep for more than an hour. Krista had the choice of napping or going to bed earlier than her brothers tonight and she chose not to nap, so we'll see how that goes tonight. I was laying down on the floor next to the boys and could feel myself falling asleep. I wonder if I should've given in and taken a nap. Instead, I used the time to clean out the computer, clean my room for Sarah Morgan (who is spending the night tonight), take the dogs out, make a pasta salad for the picnic tomorrow (with Krista's help!), clean the bathroom, have a snack with Krista, and write here. It's hard to sleep when there's so much stuff you could get done. I've decided for the rest of the summer if I have young ones and we're spending the majority of the day here, I'll give them this option. I'd actually prefer an hour to myself in the afternoon and letting them stay up a little later at night. :)

Well, I have one more thing to clean in the bathroom and then I'm gonna start thinking about waking the kids up (although I don't know if I have the willpower to do so!) Thanks for listening, my faithful readers. :)

Random Thoughts

I have to number these because I have a lot floating around in my mind!

1. Read Katie's blog. www.ktanderson.blogspot.com. (Refresh the page so you get today's post.) Especially if you want the short version. I echo everything she said and she said it so succinctly (spelling?)

2. E-mail me if you want me to send you pictures of the three most beautiful children I know, especially since they're mine for the here-and-now (although not for too long.)

3. You know that shower misting cleaning spray that you're supposed to spray in your shower after each use and it will keep it "clean" and mildew-free? First of all, let me say that I like it and I use it and I think it saves me some time in cleaning the bathroom (which has become a daily routine with three kids!) However, there are two sets of directions and this is really bothering me ... first of all there's "starting with a clean shower - mist daily after shower use." That makes sense. But then there's "starting with a dirty shower - mist daily after shower use, expect it to take up to two weeks to become clean, then continue to mist daily." Why would you suffer through a dirty shower for two weeks instead of taking five minutes to scrub it and "start with a clean shower"? I just don't get that ...

4. I love my mom. I called her this morning to say I was sorry. I am sorry for the judgement I made on my mother for not keeping our bathroom spic and span. I remember, as I got older, trying to clean it once-in-a-while and getting frustrated that it wouldn't stay that way, but I always (in the back of my mind) wondered why my mom wouldn't clean it. Now I realize that she probably did ... all the time! After ONE day with three children, my bathroom was disgusting! I made them entertain themselves for an hour this morning while I scrubbed it out. (Then I reminded the boys WHERE they were supposed to be relieving themselves ... yuck!) Anyways, yeah, it's a lot of work.

5. Reading is magical. Katie's mom gave Katie advice to impart to me as well to always read to the children living with us. Mrs. Anderson still reads to Katie's brother, who I think is going into the sixth grade. Well, I didn't really know how to incorporate that into our bedtime routine here. John never wanted to read, so when Krista and Daniel came this time, I was excited to hear that Krista loved to read. (She is, by the way, the best first-grade reader I have ever listened to!) Anyways, Krista and I read before bed and try to get Daniel interested in reading, as well. I just haven't forced it with John. It's been crazy because we've been painting the boys' room so they've been sleeping in our rooms and Katie and I have been crashing in the living room. John likes to sleep with the TV on. I don't let him. I tell him if he's not asleep by a certain time, I'm coming in to shut if off. Wednesday was 11 ... Thursday was 10:30 ... tonight was a new room with no TV! He did great. At 9:51 when I said "bedtime," he said "OK." (I tried not to look shocked.) He ran into Krista's room and came running to me with a book and asked me to read to him. I don't know why that hit me so hard, but I loved it. I'd been joking about reading and talking about it a lot, but it was much more rewarding for him to come to ME with a book than for me to force him through a story before bed. After we read and talked about chapter one, and he asked me to read chapter two, how could I say no? I told him my limit was chapter 2 because I was so happy to be reading with him that I'd read all night if I didn't set myself a limit. Krista came in and joined us. I sat for about a half hour with all three and read "The Boxcar Children". Funny thing is, a few times (randomly) I got choked up while reading.

They must think I'm weird. I'm not. I'm blessed. Incredibly. Tonight, before I retreated to my room, I got to put three wonderful children to bed. My favorite part about that is when they are finally asleep and I go in and pray for each one individually. Specifically that God would give them hearts open to Him and searching for Him and that God would put the people in their lives to bring them to Him. Because, truth be told, they should be coming back once or twice a month from here on out, but I don't know that for sure. With foster care, things change daily. Yes, I would like to keep these children, but no, the likelihood of that is not high. So I take each day as it comes (and cry a little ) and I trust that God is sovereign ... not just over me and not just over Christians, but over everything and everyone. So much is at stake when you deal with people. We really have the opportunity to make an eternal difference. Yes, I am giving these kids a safe place and a loving home, but more importantly, I'm investing in their eternity. And I pray that, one day, I'll be worshipping God face-to-face ... with John, Krista, and Daniel beside me.

Krista's Prayer

"God, thank you for this yummy food.
Mom, I hope you would like it, too.
I hope you're having fun and I hope you are OK.
AMEN!"

And to think I was afraid to pray before dinner tonight, not knowing what to expect from the kids (knowing they don't go to church with their current foster family.) Then Krista says, "I'll pray!" and comes up with something like this. By the way, her mother passed away a little less than a year ago. I'm definitely learning to lean emotionally on strength supplied to me only through Christ. These kids are definitely a blessing.

Now ... have to go wipe some tears, calm some fears, and pray that they'll sleep so I can finish painting the boys' bedroom!

Summer Days

I was late to C.E.L.L. group yesterday and do you know what I realized? I had NO reason to be late. My excuse was, "This whole not-working-all-summer-thing is really messing up my concept of time." (Probably didn't help that there were people there who I strongly didn't want to see.)

Anyways, I am REALLY enjoying my summer. I drove home (to MA) Friday-Monday to see my parents (who have been in Alaska for two weeks) and to go to my cousin, Kristen's, graduation party. Lots of driving, but it was a good time. I drove home Monday because people were coming to clean my dining room chairs on Wednesday, but they called Monday night and cancelled. They thanked me endlessly for being so nice and patient. It wasn't until I hung up that I realized I could've stayed at home longer had I known they weren't coming. But the Dalton's are bringing a truck of stuff (they're moving to Texas) to me today, so that's good.

Plus I really enjoyed yesterday. I picked up a bit between 9 am and noon while I watched Regis and Kelly and Dawson's Creek. Productive yet relaxed. :) I plan on doing the same thing this morning. Katie and I got a bunk board from Lowe's and a mattress from a friend's mom. (On a sidenote, I was going to pay $200 for a mattress with bunk board - and the whole shebang plus dowels to put the beds together cost me under $22!) I mowed the lawn in the afternoon and went to C.E.L.L. group. Funniest thing was, after Katie got home from working ten hours, I said, "Man, I feel like I've had a long, hard day" But I'm not working! I think I'll take it easy this afternoon. My productiveness will come in unloading Frank's truck when he arrives and possibly taping off the bedroom in order to start painting it today or tomorrow (more on that later.) Other than that, maybe I'll sit outside and read and tan for a couple of hours this afternoon. I could get used to this!

So, I got a call from Family Care yesterday about the three kids that, at one point, were coming to live with me, and fourty-eight hours later, were not. I had the oldest, Johnathan (9 yo), for four days last week and really enjoyed his company. Well, it turns out that they're ALL going to come to me for at least one weekend a month. In the summer, those weekends will hopefully be four or five days. Now, there's a catch. The whole reason that they were going to change families was because the current family wouldn't cooperate in letting the kids visit their dad in jail. Well, on the weekend that they are with me, I'm taking them to visit their dad. The selfish part of me says, "Hey, if I'm going to do the dirty work, I should get the benefits of having the kids." But I quickly remind myself that this isn't about me "getting kids". It's about me supporting them as much as I can with the time and resources that I have. And I do strongly believe that - strong enough, anyways, that I'm able to remind myself when my mind gets off-track. Anyways, for now, this seems great ... I'm enjoying some time to myself while knowing that I'll have kids regularly/monthly, at least, and really - I'm building these relationships with them so that I can be available if they ever need a more permanent placement.

So, the WORST part about realizing I wasn't getting them was that John had been able to visit me (not knowing he was staying) and tell me what his dream room would look like. I'd been hoping to get some things from his description to fix up the "pink room" and make it more bearable for him to change families and have to share a room with his 5 yo brother. When I realized they weren't staying, I knew I couldn't do that. Well, since the room needs to be redone anyways and I will see them for two long weekend in July and August, and then probably once a month after that ... I'm going to redo the room, anyways. A blue room with Star Wars posters and a CD player. That's all it will take. $50 later (spent on EBay), I have a huge door poster of Yoda and six new Star Wars posters heading my way. It's about the same I would've spent at Wal-Mart (if they had the selection). Of course, I got them for way cheaper and then paid an arm and a leg for shipping and handling. Can anyone tell me if that money is really pocketed by the seller and it's cheaper to send? (That's what I think, but I haven't had that feeling validated.) Anyways, I'm crazy. Basically, I'm doing this because I want to see his reaction on July 22nd ... I know it will be positive, but I'm trying not to idealize it too much. Because it'll probably be more like, "Wow! This is so cool. But I hope it can have a bigger stereo next time." The foster kids I've come into contact with are always wanting more. I haven't analyzed it too much, yet, but it is interesting.

So, the update right now is, I'm enjoying some time to get things done and relax, and enjoying the prospect of visiting with this family once a month, and the potential of still getting a call to be placed with kids any day. It could all change tomorrow. Thank goodness God is unchanging and all-faithful! :)

I'm Exhausted!

I think Katie would agree that this has been the most exhausting four days of our lives (at least since moving to Sharon!) Josh was here Saturday-Sunday. Turns out he grew up in Sharon and wanted to spend time with some old friends. So he'd take off on his bike for two hours at a time, broken up by meals or driving 35 minutes to/from work. Only a small argument about going to church and then we found out that he loves Chinese as much as Katie and I do ... so of course we took him to Main Moon after church for the buffet. He seemed to enjoy his time here.

Then Johnathan came on Sunday and was supposed to leave today (Tuesday), but I found out that his current foster parents are stuck in Canada so I have him for another night (which is great!) I think respiting is much more exhausting than providing semi-permanent foster care, simply because with a three-day stay, you want to focus on spoiling the kid, having fun, and not really worrying about a "structure" to the day. Plus, you're spending time getting to know the kid and trying to understand where he's coming from. For instance, John "needs" to sleep with cable TV (although I haven't budged on that one, just given him a radio) and with all of his lights on in the room. While I would hope to never get my kids into that habit, you don't know the WHY behind why he needs those things and, really, I think it's my job to provide them if it's reasonable. We've been on-the-go non-stop because he seems to need to be busy to keep his mind off of things in the past, so we're also both exhausted. Sunday's bedtime with midnight, last night's was probably around 10:30, and he was in bed a little after 9 tonight. On Sunday, there was NO way I could fall asleep until I knew he was asleep and, even then, I didn't sleep very well. Today however, I'm extremely tempted to just go to sleep and realize he'll come get me if he needs me. I guess that's normal. On Sunday, I wasn't really confident that he'd come get me if he was upset about something.

Anyways, you know what the worst part about this is? (Well, not really the worst, because the worst part is not getting to keep John here!) I hate that my parents have been on a cruise in Alaska this whole time and I've never been able to call them. They knew (but probably forgot) Josh was coming, but they never even heard about the three kids or John spending three days with me!

The newest news is that I'm going to try to visit HOME this weekend for my cousin's graduation party and then NEXT weekend, I'm respiting two girls (1st and 6th grades) named Serenity and Kiana (not sure on the spelling.) I think I'll start praying for that weekend now. :) I'm not sure how you entertain siblings (who fight) and who are so far apart in age. I'm not really sure what they'll enjoy doing together. We'll have to see about that.

That's my update-for-now. By the way, John told me yesterday that I was the best mother anyone could ever have. I didn't expect to be hearing THAT at this point in my life, but it's quite a blessing! :)

Foster Mom

Just a quick note to say I'm sitting in my room while the cutest 9 year-old boy is desperately trying to fall asleep in the room next door. I met him exactly seven hours ago and I already love him. I'm totally overwhelmed with this crazy caring/anxiety/responsibility feeling that I can't seem to shake long enough to get a good hour's sleep! And to think that 1.) he's not my kid and 2.) he very well may only be here until Tuesday ... and I STILL care about him INSTANTLY ...

Anyways, yeah, could you pray for him, his siblings, his current foster family, and the county/agency ... that God's will would be done - whether that's to keep him in his foster home and retain a little bit of consistency or to move them into my home where I'll love them to death with Christ's love. Pray that I'd truly accept God's sovereignty as I desire His will for these children. And pray that the one here tonight would sleep ... so that I can catch up on some much-needed shut-eye, as well. Thanks guys!

Life Changes

It's been hard to find time to update, but I don't want to get too far behind! This will be a quickie. :) Life is crazy.

Tomorrow, Josh will be coming to spend the weekend with me. He's a fifteen year old boy who lives with a foster family in Mercer. The agency would like me to be his "respite" home, which means the place where he goes when he needs a break, his family needs a break, etc. However, I'm not sure that will be possible.

AS FAR AS I KNOW, Jonathan, a nine year old boy, will be coming to me on Sunday and staying through Tuesday. Then I'll either receive his brother and sister on Tuesday OR he'll go back to his current foster family and all three children will come to me Wednesday or Thursday. However, I'm not 100% confident that this will happen because I was told I'd get another phone call yesterday at 4:30. As of today at 10 PM, I still haven't received that phone call. (Do you know what it's like to carry a cordless phone AND a cell phone with you everywhere you go waiting for this phone call?) I know the caseworker had a few days off, though, and I'm assuming she'll call tomorrow if I'm getting Jon on Sunday. Jonathan has a six or seven year old sister, Krista, and a five year old brother, Daniel. Supposedly, I'll have them all summer and they'll even start school in Sharon next year. Can you believe I'm about to become a foster mother? I do NOT feel ready now. :)

Byron is delivering bunk beds on Monday and Kris and the girls are coming Wednesday to get a twin-sized mattress (unless I find one before then.) Then, I'll have all the basic necessities for the kids. I went grocery shopping today and picked up some kid-friendly things that were on sale. If you're close enough to me to be reading this, then you can probably imagine that I was sort of emotional about buying young-kid-friendly things for potential children that will be living with me for a substantial amount of time. It's a crazy, out-of-this-world feeling. I don't know what to feel besides overwhelmed.

Nevermind the fact that I said "goodbye" to twenty-one precious ten and eleven year olds this morning and I'm also experiencing my first feeling of freedom ever! Is it possible that this feeling was only meant to last an afternoon? How ironic! But, also, how God. I wanted foster children this summer, under the age of ten, and if this works out, I know it's a gift from God. If it doesn't, I trust that He has a better plan both for myself and for those children.

By the way, I'm also starting "A Total Money Makeover", by reading Dave Ramsey's new book with the summer cell group at my church. It seems awesome. And I'm totally blessed to be starting getting out of debt while I'm still young. It seems very hopeful and step-by-step and doable. If anyone has anything negative to say about it, please just don't say anything. Regardless of whether you agree with his results, the principles are Biblical and I"m hoping they'll humble me in how I handle my money, especially if I'm responsible for three children as well as myself.

Please comment if you have anything to say so that I know there's a reason in writing. :)